You are engaged! The excitement is off the charts and then the questions start pouring in from family, friends, co-workers, vendors, and even the stranger at the grocery store. “When is the wedding”, “Who’s in the wedding party”, “Where are you getting married”, “What are your colors”, “What does your dress look like”, and the list goes on. All of a sudden you may find yourself experiencing paralysis when it comes to forming answers as you’re trying to enjoy the moment with your future spouse. Here are some mindfulness tips on how you can approach the influx of questions while not feeling like you are stuck in the famous loop of “Who’s On First”.
Pause. Breathe. Soak in the exciting news.
Weddings are a process. Regardless of the length of your engagement, creating your special day is more like a marathon regarding decision making than a sprint. It's during this initial phase that it's vital you take time to revel in the experience of being engaged. Talk with your spouse about how you may want to share the exciting news with others. Consider taking time for the two of you to enjoy being engaged before going public with the announcement or starting any wedding research. Reflect on who you might want to share the news with personally and how you plan to go about that. Do you want to ask your best friend to lunch and tell him or her in person? Do you want to schedule a Facetime call with family who do not live close by? Do you want to plan a surprise group announcement? Whatever you decide together, make sure to communicate to others if you want them to hold off on sharing or posting to social media until you are able to connect with everyone you want to share the news with first.
Plan a wedding dream date
Set aside intentional time that is free of distractions to dream and dialogue about your wedding. Consider making this a date night with dinner, candles, comfy clothes, and open minds. Enter into this conversation with the intention to hear your partner on what they think about anything wedding related. Keep in mind, nothing needs to be decided or researched at this point, rather this is a special moment for the two of you to discuss openly and honestly about your thoughts and emotions. What do you and your partner think regarding style of venue, wedding guest count, food, decorations, colors, themes, seasons, traditions, and everything in between. Take a moment to learn, if you don't already know, about what your partner thought about in their childhood regarding weddings. Maybe as a child they envisioned something that now you can both laugh about as you matured or agree to include in your big day. Remember: this is meant to be fun! It’s not about the details at this point rather an opportunity to envision your celebration of love together.
Commit to an organizational system
Once you have had the chance to dream together, it’s time to get organized. Having a system that works for both people is of utmost importance as you begin your research and planning. Consider what medium will work best for you, will you use a wedding planner book, an Excel sheet, a physical binder, a template from Etsy, etc. This is a great time to start to discuss a wedding planner and the role they might play in your journey. Being organized from the start will make every decision feel clear and well thought out which is important in the grand scheme of having peace during the entire process leading up to your big day.
Boundaries help promote mindfulness by creating safe environments and intentional actions. Dr. Karin Ryan states that “boundaries are a way of distinguishing yourself and your needs from other people and their needs. Boundaries are where I begin and end and where you begin and end”. When it comes to all things wedding, boundaries are of utmost importance in your relationships as your prioritize what is best for you and your future spouse. Out of respect for one another, one initial boundary you can collaborate on is when and how you want to approach planning your wedding. It’s important to dialogue about the role of a wedding planner, when you plan to work on wedding related tasks, and how your future spouse prefers to take in ideas and information. As you go down the road in planning, boundaries become important with: family, friends, work, vendors, and anyone else involved in creating your special day. Keep in mind that you and your future spouse are a team and boundaries exist to support you during this exciting time of your lives.
Once you have shared the news with those you care about, had a dream date, decided on an organizational system, and set boundaries that prioritize your peace, it is time to proceed mindfully into planning your wedding! As you go throughout the process it is okay to slow down, take a break, pause, and reset as many times as you need to. If you have decided to work with a planner, be honest with your team on how things are going and where you could use support. Remember it is perfectly okay to have a go to response prepared when you feel the influx of questions come your way. Try something like “Thank you for your excitement about our wedding. We’re being mindful when it comes to our next steps and will share details and decisions when we’re ready”. Or “We appreciate your interest in our wedding. We’re taking time to prioritize enjoying our engagement and look forward to circling back to those topics”. This is your love story and you deserve to be present in it.